I Wanna Be Adored English Version
by Emi86
Summary: Squall is a lone lion.Can Zell help him out of his misery?But why do these 2 mysterious women want to kill Squall?warnings:angst,lemony scenes,language,violence *yaoi* Squall/Zell


Disclaimer:  
Unfortunately I don't own the FF-guys but if somebody offered them to me,I'd immediately buy them!Hehe...  
Especially Squall and Zell.And Seifer wouldn't be that bad either..hehe  
I don't earn money with this.. would be too good anyway..  
Note:  
I alwasys wanted to write in english and now I finally did it!!!  
No...actually...I didn't...It was a friend of mine...  
I mean,I wrote this in german and she translated it.Thank you very much Chun-Li!!!  
If you want to read this Story ingerman...you can!  
(http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1019720)  
  
That's my first Fan Fiction EVER!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I Wanna Be Adored  
  
  
  
by Emi  
  
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part one  
  
__________________________________________________________________  
  
I don't have to sell my soul  
He's already in me  
I don't need to sell my soul  
He's already in me  
  
I wanna be adored  
I wanna be adored  
  
I don't have to sell my soul  
He's already in me  
I don't need to sell my soul  
He's already in me  
  
I wanna be adored  
I wanna be adored  
  
Adored  
  
I wanna be adored  
  
("I Wanna Be Adored" by Stone Roses)  
  
________________________________________________________________  
  
  
Leonhartless...   
  
They're calling him so again..  
  
Leonhartless...  
  
It burned itself deeply into his soul...  
He didn't show it,but it hurt him.Yes,he wasn't the most talkative person,but it was actually just some kind of defense.  
He kept his emotions inside of him,because he had been hurt way too often.  
Ellione.Raine.Rinoa.They had all left him.All of them.  
Even Rinoa, who he had thought of she were his „great love",a love which was supposed to outwear his whole life,had left him.  
She had dumped him by seeing the next best handsome guy.  
  
What was he doing wrong?He had tried to change himself!So hard.And she just...  
  
Maybe the way it had gone was actually the best it could've possibly went..maybe he doesn't deserve it to have somebody who loves him..  
  
His friends,if you could actually call them friends,had also moved back from him.Selphie was busy with Irvine and nothing but Irvine,and Quistis didn't have to do anything with him other than business.Well,she had lots of work to do as the new garden-headmistress...  
Seifer couldn't be spotted that often in garden any more.Since he had moved to Balamb,he was usually just there in Garden wenn he had to graduate a mission.  
  
And Zell... well, Zell was something special, a class of his own...  
The reason of the distance between the two of them was most certainly himself,not Zell..  
He didn't even know why.  
  
Everytime he saw the blonde boy he had a strange feeling in his change... not exactly aching.. but weird to hell...  
Memories rose up in him.. things he had forgotten ... and he wanted them to be forgotten..  
Thing which had happened when they were small and living in that orphanage..  
In a sense,these strange things should had happened with the others as well,but for some reason that just wasn't the case.Only when he saw him..  
And he didn't want to be reminded of his past,that's why he avoided Zell's presence.  
Even though he didn't really want to ..  
  
„Squall!"  
Abruptly he came down to earth.  
„speak of the devil.."  
Zell stood right in front of him with his typical bright grin on his face,revaling his sharp eyeteeth.  
His hair full of gel,as usual,wearing his blue shirt with the B.A. letters, which made his ice-blue eyes come into their own even more.His tatoo on the left side face gave hin an almost demonic look.Almost.  
„Hey,Squall,wanna go to the cafeteria?"  
„oum..actually.." Before he could state his answer,Zell had already grabbed his wrist forcefully and was kind of dragging him .  
„They have SPECIAL hotdogs there!You just HAVE to try them!I'll pay for you!They're with... gosh,I don't know!But they taste awsome and that's all what counts,doesn't it?I've already eaten five of them,but who cares..." he babbled cheerfully.  
„Well...Zell...actually I have to..." Squall started.  
„You don't have to do anything! Expect trying these delicious hotdogs!"  
„Whatever.."  
  
Zell just kept grinning his Zell-grin. „Look for a seat!I'll go get our food!"  
  
Squall succeeded in his task,which indeed was one in consideration of how overcrowded the room was.These new hotdogs really seemed to be well-favoured.  
  
„Hey.. what the hell is Leonhartless doing here?" he heard someone saying behind his back.The sentence was followed by a giggle."Together with Mr.Hyper.. seems like contrasts are really attracted to each other sometimes!" another voice laughed.  
Squall buried his face into his palms,convulsive trying to not listen to whatever these morons were saying.  
„It may not work though.. I mean it already didn't work with Heartilly..guess he's just too „leonhartless"!HAHAHAHA!"  
He couldn't take it any more.He couldn't bear it any longer.No single fuckin' second longer.The same comments,the same rubbish every day..always the same...   
Maybe he should follow Seifer's suit...  
The time he had belonged to this Garden was long ago.  
  
When he was just about to stand up and leave without looking back,Zell arrived.  
„Hey,Squall,where do you wanna go?"Zell inquired.  
Without waiting for a respond,he added cheerfully:"Sorry it took me so long.. but I'm honestly more than glad that I was able to get hold of some at all!",he sat down next to Squall and gave him his hotdog. „So.. what was going on?Why did you want to leave?"  
„Nothing...it was just so long.. and I have to work and.. whatever.."Zell didn't have to know what he was feeling.  
He didn't even have to know that he was feeling something at all.  
He didn't have to know that these patters were hurting him more than anybody expected them to.. that they were going to steal his sanity..  
  
„If you say so..did you know that Selphie and Irvine have broken-up once and for all?"Zell changed the subject deftly.He did realize that something was wrong with Squall,but he didn't want to go any further with asking him.  
Zell didn't want to take the risk of hurting his Squall unexpected...  
  
„Listen,Zell.. I really have to go now,but thanks for the hotdog anyway.." with that Squall stood up and left the cafeteria.  
  
„...oum... you're welcome.." Zell said perplexly,following Squall with his disbelieving gaze.  
  
_____________________________________________________________  
  
Again...  
  
It was always,always the same...  
  
Squall let himself fall onto his bed and stared on the ceiling.  
But he could still hear the laughters.These cruel laughters he hated so much.  
  
// ... guess he's just too „leonhartless"...//  
  
Was he really so?  
Was he really that kind of person?  
  
Would he ever be able to to have a serious relationship with somebody without fearing the worst .. without locking his heart?  
Did he deserve love at all?  
Was he able to love?  
  
Yes,a period of time ago,he had loved Rinoa.. and Ellione.. and there was a likelihood that he had loved Raine too.  
They had all left him...  
Had hurt him...  
They had made him to that what he was now.. nothing.. a forgotten hero...  
  
The sad story about a forgotten hero.  
  
He desperately wanted to have what he had had just 2 years ago..   
He wanted to be adored again,like he had been 2 lousy years ago.  
Adored... and loved.  
  
A single tear rolled down his pale cheek.  
Followed by many others.. like always.  
  
  
  
  
End of part one  
  
  
  
© Written by Emi 2002  
© Translated from German to English by Chun-Li (http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=187959 )  
  
So that was Part 1!  
I hope you liked it..  
Please review.. I won't continue otherwhise! (what a menarce...)  
Emi 


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